Polishing prose for a micro-post contest

Another blogging writer (or is that writing blogger?) Aimee Salter has a prose challenge on her blog "Seeking the Writing Life." She's requesting that writers submit 150 words of anything they've written that is potentially better than her post. Writers need only leave their entry as a comment to the post to participate.

I just rewrote the beginning to my NaNo novel, RACE CARD. The book opens with the protagonist in the midst of a nightmare. It details a recurring dream she's had since she witnessed skinheads beating a black man to death in Luxembourg City as a teen. Since the character is in a dream state, it's highly sensory and surrealistic by intent. Because I was limited to 150 words, I couldn't include the next line which includes her alarm sounding and ending the nightmare. Of course, the style of my post is much different from hers. This is even a different style of writing for me, but I like to try new things and with any luck, I'll get some feedback on my entry.

I enjoy this kind of challenge. And I like participating, especially when it's sponsored by another writing blog. You can enter, too, by posting 150 words of prose by midnight tomorrow.

Here's my novel start:

The indigo sky deepened to black tendrils that snaked to the ground, winding across the flagstones and encircling her ankles. Within seconds, they thickened to tethers and raced up her legs and midsection, lashing her to the nearest tree. Their loose rubbery ends nipped her like waves plashing a ship in a gale.

Two white megaliths materialized in the gloom. First, they grew legs, then arms that shoved her as they passed, storming toward a lone black figure staggering in the wind. One of them lifted the man and hurled him to the stone path as the other one faced her.

“Watch,” it screamed from the maw in its torso. Blood poured from the man’s head. “Look!” it commanded, as the creatures pounded and kicked him.

The lifeless man’s blood lapped her ankles then rose with the speed of a rain-engorged river until its metallic tang engulfed her mouth and nose.

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